Do you consider yourself generally reliable person? If you’re meeting a friend at a cafe for lunch do you arrive on time? Do you send them back their money in a timely manner when they buy the concert tickets? Are you sort of known for cancelling last minute? How are you at showing up, for others?
I’m pretty good at it, if you were wondering. For me to not be on time to something would be unusual. If I’m cancelling on someone, it’s with good reason. I feel that I owe it to others. I value their time and their energy and capacity, potentially more than necessary and so, I show up for others. Always.
What’s funny though, is that discipline has never extended to myself. I’m a serial plan-canceller when my date is… me.
I don’t care that I spent $30 on a cycle class, I woke up a lil tired and so that money can be forfeited. Because suffering through a sweaty morning sesh doesn’t sound quite as appealing as scrolling through TikTok in bed for another 45 minutes.
It’s self care. I’d tell myself. I’m not going to apologise for having self-compassion.
A fantastic excuse I’ll give lazy me that. But the sad fact is, when you’re a generally undisciplined person you don’t “need” to give yourself a break.
You simply do when things are slightly challenging. And that’s fine, if that’s what you’re going for I guess.
But things changed this year, when, in a particularly smug, uncharacteristic series of events, I sped through Atomic Habits by James Clear in that week between Christmas and the New Year, and I realised that excuses are excuses and I have all the capacity to succeed at discipline if I so desire.
And I do desire.
You might recall at the start of this year I sent a newsletter out with a list of my New Year’s Resolutions.
The main one was health and fitness-related which at the time didn’t stand out to me as a challenge in discipline. It was rather a method to achieving my dream mind/body/self.
But over the six weeks I’ve been showing up to my workouts, I realised the most wonderful skill I’m learning is one of discipline.
I don’t think I’ve ever consistently shown up for myself. I’ve never seen myself really grow in strength. Or really, grow in any skill that doesn't exist to make me money.
6 weeks may not sound like much to the disciplined among us but to me, I feel my identity, my strength, my endurance, and my discipline changing for the better.
I have shown up for myself again and again. And I finally get it.
Discipline, aside from helping you get the things you want to get done, done, is extremely satisfying. It takes the decision-making out of your behaviour. It creates routine and that routine creates success.
And so, where I typically may neglect to share my progress and wins with others having the knowledge that there’s a reasonable chance I won’t follow through in the long run, here we are.
So far so good but take your bets. Who knows how long this’ll last.
On the books I've read since we last spoke:
I finally picked up Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin which, if you’re even remotely across trending books you will have heard plenty of hype about and… it was fine.
It’s a very character-driven book about friends who create video games and while there were parts I really enjoyed, I think it was about 30% too long. Sadly my feelings just aren’t strong enough to recommend.
In other book news, I’m reading Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus on the side which is all about how phones and social media have distorted our ability to pay attention and while there are great insights littered through it’s a slow burn and surprise surprise, it’s struggling to keep my attention.
The one read I am excited about is Out There: Stories by Kate Folk. It’s very early days to recommend, so please hold in case it takes a hectic turn, but it’s a black mirror-esque take on the near future, with short stories about dating and relationships with the influence of AI and tech. It’s very dystopian sci-fi which is not my typical pick, but I love the eerie familiarity of it’s themes.
What are you reading at the moment? Do you have any thoughts on what my next book should be? Please share!
Reccos, reccos, reccos.
If you live in Sydney, might I recommend you join my for a cycle class @ Shelter? I have been loving showing up for a meditative, sweaty 45-minutes every week and I think you might too.
If you’re not in Sydney, I’m sure you can find your local area alternative. Think, something like Soul Cycle. It’s the best.
That’s all from me! Catch ya next time. X